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Miss Vicky's Contest: Name that Sponsor!

Wed Jul 6, 2005 Miss Vicky 

My sources tell me the city's corporate services committee has forwarded the recommendation to allow corporate advertising on city facilities. Council will be debating this on the 13th, apparently.

You can't blame them... too much. The city is dealing with the legacy of provincial downloading, to the tune of about $130 million a year (and growing). There are limited revenue sources, costs for services are rising, there's much-needed infrastructure improvements to make... Property taxpayers had a nice period without any hikes, and we're paying for it now. But property taxpayers can only handle so much (especially given Ontario's wacky assessment process). No question, we're in a cash crunch. So I'm not surprised this proposal is going forward.

One of my favourite novels is David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest. It's set in the not-too-distant future, when time is no longer measured chronologically, but open to bidders. Subsidized Time. So instead of 2027, for example, we might have the Year of Glad, or the Year of the Tuck's Medicated Pad. This is only one aspect of the novel that cracks me up (the cadre of wheelchair-bound Quebec separatist assassins is another).... but the dark humour is so because that world is entirely conceivable, the product of unfettered global capitalism, the eroding of public services, and the apathy of a citizenship lulled to submission by popular entertainment, recreational drugs and narcissism.

But I digress.

Yesterday I suggested The Weed Man might want to sponsor the city's soccer fields (in exchange for an end to the call for a pesticide ban, of course). I think we can come up with some better ideas for appropriate (or not so appropriate) sponsors for city facilities. So. It's time for a contest. The floor's open, Faithful Legion, for your nominations. What billboards will grace the new Subsidized City, and where?

Contestants are advised that the city's policies prohibit sponsorship by companies whose "primary" purpose is to sell Tobacco, Alcohol or Pornography. Where human rights are concerned, though, the rules are pretty silent.

Entries will be judged according to Miss Vicky's whim. The prize? Well, I'll think of something.

Some people were moved to reply

The Webgeek Jul 6, 2005 02:10 PM said:

ummm,
Am I eligible for contest entry?

pretty please?

This is more federal than municipal but The Canadian Tire Mint. Most Americans confuse CT Money for our currency anyway.

The Colonel Bi-Way Canal (are they still around?)

The Metamucil TransitWay (you know, for faster, more regular commutes... )

The Webgeek Jul 6, 2005 02:17 PM said:

The Viagra O-Train

It practically wrote itself.

Miss Vicky Jul 6, 2005 02:19 PM said:

It would have to be the O! Train, in that case.

The Webgeek Jul 6, 2005 02:41 PM said:

Schneiders Meats presents: Hog's Back Falls.

And why stop at landmarks?
------------------------------ ---------------------------
This Parking infraction entitles the bearer to one (1) Free single scoop Sunday* at any participating Dairy Queen™

*with purchase of another dessert treat of equal or lesser value. Offer not valid in combination with any other promotion.

Neither Dairy Queen, nor it's parent or subsidiery companies are responsible for lost or stolen parking tickets.
------------------------------ ---------------------------

I'm also envisioning port-a-potties painted to look like giant Labatt's Blue Light cans (paid for by Molson's perhaps).

(ok, ok, I'll stop now)

accidental altruist Jul 6, 2005 03:36 PM said:

Dream sponsorship idea:

no more crappy mega beer labels sponsoring festivals - ban blue, bud and canadian! all beer tents shall serve nothing but micro brews, craft beers and carefully selected beverages that suit the audience.

Bluesfest sponsored by Brick Brewery
Winterlude brought to you by Wellington Brewery
Jazz Fest serving Unibroue
Folk Fest affiliated with Big Rock Brewery
Pride teaming up with Mike's Hard Lemonade

Then I wouldn't have to do all my drinking BEFORE I got to the festival!

Special Patrol Group Jul 6, 2005 03:38 PM said:

Ummmm... I'll think of something...
Those are are really good ones.
I'll get back to you when I think of something good. Too busy at work right now to think>>>
Arrrgh!

The Webgeek Jul 6, 2005 03:41 PM said:

SPG
don't forget you can post for ChefGeek too, if you want. I'm sure he'd have some choice ones :)

Special Patrol Group Jul 6, 2005 04:50 PM said:

- Ottawa Rehabilitation Clinic -
Brought to you by PEZ

It's located at the Willy Wonka Ottawa Hospital
right next to the Ronald MacDonald House...
Wait a minute, that is already corporately sponsored. Damn it, those clowns, they're so ahead of the times :o)

(PEZ was originally invented to help folks quit smoking... so why not help cure other addicts with these clinically proven sugar candies in the funny dispensers! It's just good science people!! )

accidental altruist Jul 6, 2005 08:06 PM said:

how'z about:

the Experimental Farm sponsored by Monsanto

the Rideau Canal sponsored by Evian

the Gatineau Hills sponsored by Husqvarna

the NAC sponsored by the Disney Channel

Hugh Jul 6, 2005 11:01 PM said:

To quote and comment, "the eroding of public services, and the apathy of a citizenship lulled to submission by popular entertainment,"

Apathy! Yes - that's what I find when it comes to building housing for the future that can provide real peace/quiet/privacy - really deliver the "quiet enjoyment" of a lease or condo purchase agreement, instead of meaning that you'd better enjoy your place quietly or you'll be hassled by police and eviction notices for being noisy, as the buildings as they are built now cannot deliver quiet. Even million dollar luxury condo's are not soundproof enough to do it. Type "noisy condo" into Google and see the more than 20,000 pages or 2,000 for Canada alone - including my site
http://www.geocities.com/peace onearthathome/

In 25 years of raising the subject with tenants, landlords, agents, and contacting politicians - apathy, indifference, ignorance, lies - and I get threatened and beaten by police over it.

What is called entertainment is the reverence of violence and noise. I do not find it entertaining. I don't watch TV, for I'm tired of having my nervous system jerked around and expected to think it's good and pay for it.

Crap society attitudes are destroying the world full of toys. Um? I'd better quit here.

amckay Jul 7, 2005 05:41 AM said:

Quit here Hugh, you're just getting going and I was just starting to enjoy it! You go!

Flanders Jul 7, 2005 09:57 AM said:

But truth is stranger than fiction: we already have "Fall Rhapsody" in the Gatineaus "brought to you" by the NCC - too silly for words...I always get visions of NCC staffers frantically painting leaves...

But that's not really corporate, is it?

How about the "Scotiabank U of Owe"?

Hugh Jul 7, 2005 08:06 PM said:

Hey A Mckay, what's with bodensatz brewery?

You want to enjoy ??? more; try the quoted web site for excessive dump with images.

And life is great - all at the same time - weird!

amckay Jul 7, 2005 08:18 PM said:

Bodensatz brewery is mine, all mine! Bwa, ha, ha, ha! (manic laughter). And yes, I did check out your link for more of the same ...

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